I’ll never forget the time Casey Brenner asked the teacher of our Bible class at Christian School of York a hypothetical question.

What would happen if someone had never heard of Jesus, but lived a good and moral life?

Her answer was unequivocal – that person was going to hell.

While that’s a pretty traditional view in Christianity – you’ve got to accept Jesus as your lord and savior to get into heaven – it didn’t sit right with me.

I’m supposed to believe this all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving being has unfair rules? He’s going to torture someone in hell for eternity because they never heard of him? Bullshit.

I grew up Christian because my parents were Christian. Going to a Christian school, I was learning about the Bible at the same time I was learning to read, write, and do math. Christianity was presented as fact and I accepted it.

It wasn’t until middle school and beyond that I began to question some of these beliefs.

Having doubts was scary at first. If I didn’t believe, that meant I might be going to hell.

And here lies one of the enigmas of Christianity. This infallible creator gave me a brain that looks at the information available and determines this Jesus / savior thing doesn’t make sense.

There’s literally no way for me to get into heaven. I can’t turn off my brain. I can’t lie my way in and say I believe when I don’t. Even the desire to believe wouldn’t create actual belief.

The idea of heaven is nice. We all want to see our loved ones after we die. I’m open to the possibility that there’s something beyond this realm. And I’m open to the possibility that we get our time here on earth and that’s it.

What I’m not open to is buying into a system that doesn’t make sense.

So there’s a chance I’m going to hell, but it’s a .00001% chance and it’s not something I can control.

If I end up in hell, it’s god’s fault for giving me this brain and being a jerk about his rules.